


Something Always Brings Me Back To You

by itainthardtryin



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, this kind of follows canon and kind of doesn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 20:40:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4152165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itainthardtryin/pseuds/itainthardtryin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel and Quinn's relationship told through their interactions in bathrooms over the years. Kind of follows canon, kind of doesn't. Addresses Finn's death. Angst/Fluff/Smut.</p>
<p>"She wonders what words people have said to Quinn, or what she’s told herself, to make her think that she is anything less than perfect. "</p>
<p>Written for the 'bathrooms' day of Faberry Week on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Always Brings Me Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted to contribute something to Faberry Week, and I've been rewatching Glee from season one so I have a lot of Faberry feels right now. 
> 
> Just another reminder that this fic does include Finn's death, so if that is in any way triggering for you, please take this into consideration.

 

**McKinley High, June 2011**

 

“Quinn?”

It shouldn’t shake her so much that the only person who followed her into the bathroom is the one person she expected to least. She expected Mercedes or Santana or even Puck to follow her in. But not Rachel.

Quinn can still feel the bass banging in her chest from the music of the senior prom outside, but it’s quieter in here. She tries to wipe away her tears quietly, but she can’t help but sniff a little and it gives her away.

“Quinn, I know you’re in here. I just wanted to see if you’re okay. I saw you crying outside and I know when I cry sometimes I like to be alone, but most of the time I just want someone to talk to.”

“I’m fine,” Quinn snaps. She’s not angry at Rachel. She’s angry at herself for letting these feelings become something more than just a thought.

“You don’t sound fine. My dads always tell me that a problem shared is a problem halved.”

Her voice is so soft, and Quinn can almost imagine Rachel’s puppy dog eyes on the other side of the door which just makes the ache in her chest even worse. She’s so sick of longing for Rachel. She knows she’d be far better for Rachel than any guy she’s ever dated. She knows she’d treat her better. But she’s just not ready to admit it. Especially not to Rachel.

“I’ve just had too many wine coolers. I always get emotional when I drink.

She can’t see it, but she knows Rachel is smiling at the lie. “I know you do,” Rachel says, playing along, and her words are so full of love and _knowing_ that Quinn just cries harder. “You can tell me anything, you know?” Rachel adds. “I know I’m probably not your first choice confidant, but I care about you, Quinn.”

That pushes her over the edge. Fuck it. “I have feelings for someone,” Quinn admits.

“And he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“No. She doesn’t.” Rachel gasps so dramatically that it actually makes Quinn laugh.

It takes Rachel a moment to compose herself. Quinn guesses Rachel is the best person to come out to. If this even is a coming out. She doesn’t know if she’s gay, she doesn’t know if she’s bisexual, she doesn’t know anything other than she wants to know how Rachel’s lips taste and her body feels. “Um, this- this girl, does she know how you feel?”

Quinn laughs out loud. “No. No, and she never will.”

“I know it’s probably the last thing you want to do, Quinn, but I think you should tell her.”

Quinn’s heart is beating out of her chest. It would be so easy. So simple. Two words. It’s you. That’s all she’d have to say. Instead she asks, “Why?”

“Because if it was me who you had a crush on, I’d want to know. What could be better than having the most attractive girl in school fall for you?”

It would be so easy.

 

* * *

 

**Lima, Ohio, June 2012**

 

“Quinn, I-” Rachel says, breathlessly. Quinn puts a finger over Rachel’s lips to silence her.

“If we’re going to do this, you have to be quiet.”

“I’ll try,” Rachel promises, biting her lip. Quinn can’t wait any longer and guides Rachel backwards into the upstairs bathroom in Santana’s house. It’s their final get together, and Quinn’s heading off to Yale, Rachel to New York City, and she doesn’t know when she’s going to get this chance again. She should be spending the night with everyone, one last send off to the original Glee club before everything changes, but all Quinn wants to do is touch Rachel in places she’s only ever dreamed of.

“Lock the door,” Rachel reminds her, not wanting to be interrupted. The fire in Rachel’s eyes is enough to ignite Quinn’s too, and she wastes no time in pushing Rachel up against the door and kissing her. Rachel’s tipsy, and Quinn can taste alcohol on her mouth. Her conscience kicks in for a second.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Quinn asks, searching Rachel’s eyes for any doubt.

“I thought you said we had to be quiet,” Rachel replies, returning her lips to Quinn’s and she takes that as a pretty solid ‘yes’.

Quinn’s hands roam Rachel’s body and find their way under her skirt quickly. She feels Rachel let out a slight gasp at Quinn’s hands on her thighs. “You know you can touch, too,” Quinn whispers into Rachel’s ear when she realises Rachel hasn’t moved her arms from around her shoulders yet.

Rachel wastes no time in complying, and reaches down to pull one of Quinn’s legs up around her hips. Quinn’s body automatically comes closer and their chests touch. It makes Quinn’s body electric. She needs more.

She pulls back and turns round. “Take it off,” she tells Rachel, allowing her easy access to the zip of her dress. Rachel pulls it down gently, revealing Quinn’s body inch by inch, until Quinn steps out of it and throws it to the other side of the room. Quinn turns back round and their eyes meet. There’s hesitation from Quinn, and Rachel can sense it. Quinn looks confident on the surface, but her body language is screaming insecurity. Rachel casts her eyes over Quinn’s body, lacy bra and panties covering her most intimate parts.

She’s _beautiful_. Not like girls in magazines or on television, but in the truest, purest form of the word. Her stretch marks haven’t quite faded from having Beth, she has boyish hips, and her breasts, even under her bra, Rachel can tell aren’t as big as everyone thinks. But she’s so real, so perfect, and Rachel can’t help it when she gets a little choked up. She wonders what words people have said to Quinn, or what she’s told herself, to make her think that she is anything less than perfect.

“You’re beautiful,” Rachel whispers, barely able to get her voice to work. She watches as Quinn softens at the words. She looks into Quinn’s eyes and she watches as she takes them in, absorbs them. She can pinpoint the moment when Quinn believes them.

She feels like she owes Quinn the same intimacy, and quickly undresses herself, so they’re both left in their underwear. Rachel’s hands find home on Quinn’s ass, and she pulls her closer, connecting their lips for a second time. Kissing Quinn like this is a completely different experience. Rachel can feel the want on Quinn’s lips, she can feel how Quinn’s body is impossibly close, how she moans when Rachel pulls her even closer.

A few moments later, Rachel’s hands move up Quinn’s back and unclasp her bra, letting it fall to the ground. Rachel wastes no time in moving her mouth downwards, sucking and biting at Quinn’s neck until she finds her breast and wraps her lips around it. Rachel doesn’t hear the breathless moan that Quinn lets out, as much as she feels it in the throb between her legs in response.

Rachel doesn’t notice than Quinn has even moved until her hands find themselves on Rachel’s stomach, running lower and lower, until they dip below the waistband of Rachel’s underwear. Rachel pulls back from Quinn’s chest and looks her in the eye as Quinn’s fingers move lower and find where Rachel wants them the most.

In that moment, Rachel knows that this is what she wants to spend her whole life doing.

 

* * *

 

**New York City, July 2013**

 

Quinn has had a lot of heartache in her life. She thought she knew pain. She thought she knew what it felt to have a broken heart. But she realises now that she had never even come close.

As soon as she found out about Finn, she knew she had to be wherever Rachel was. She was in shock. She couldn’t quite believe he was gone, but she knew she could deal with her own grief later. Somewhere in New York City, Rachel Berry’s world had fallen apart. Quinn knew she would never be able to put it back together, she knew nothing would ever replace Finn, but she needed to be close to Rachel. She couldn’t even imagine how Rachel must feel.

It takes her nine hours to get to Rachel after she finds out. Kurt hugs her harder than he’s ever hugged her before. Until she saw him, she didn’t even realise that Kurt had lost his brother. Santana sits silent on the couch, pale and worn down. She throws a sympathetic smile in Quinn’s direction, but Quinn knows through years of experience not to hug Santana. She knows Santana needs her space. It’s how she copes. “She’s in the bathroom, Quinn. She’s... “ Santana trails off, when she realises she can’t find the words to describe Rachel’s state.

“I know,” Quinn replies, a lump rising in her throat. She catches sight of a framed picture of Finn and Rachel on the table and her heart sinks. She can mourn him later. Rachel is the priority now.

She makes her way to the bathroom and knocks on the door gently. “Rachel? Rach, it’s Quinn.” She hears Rachel’s breath hitch, and then cry harder.

“Quinn?” Her name has never sounded so fragile, so important. Quinn tries the handle and is surprised to find it open. She turns it slowly, giving Rachel plenty of time to let Quinn know if she doesn’t want her around, but she doesn’t protest.

The greatest heartbreak of Quinn’s life - harder than giving Beth away, harder than being told she might not be able to walk again - comes when she sees Rachel Berry, legs pulled to her chest, eyes bloodshot red, sitting in the corner of the bathroom with a picture of Finn lying on the floor beside her. Quinn approaches slowly, making sure to sit on the other side of her, so she doesn’t have to move the picture away.

As soon as Quinn is comfortable, Rachel folds into her and cries. Quinn wraps her arms around her as tightly as she can, trying to hold all the parts of her together. Quinn sits there, letting her cry, until Rachel completely wears herself out and falls asleep in Quinn’s arms. Even in sleep, Rachel looks pained, and Quinn allows herself to cry for the first time - softly and quietly, so she doesn’t wake Rachel up.

Quinn thought watching Rachel love Finn while he was alive was painful, but watching her love him when he’s gone is even worse.

 

* * *

 

**New Haven, May 2015**

 

She expected the call, really she did. She’s been preparing for it. But she still doesn’t want to take it. She excuses herself and goes to the bathroom to answer it.

“Hey, Rachel.”

“Is it true?” Rachel snaps, in lieu of a greeting.

“What?”

“Is it true you’re not coming to the wedding?”

Quinn sighs and leans against the wall, running her fingers through her hair. “No, I’m not coming.”

Rachel knew in her heart she wasn’t going to come but hearing it from Quinn’s mouth shocks her. “You’re their best friend, Quinn,” she pleads. “You think Santana is going to forgive you for missing the happiest day of her life?”

“Probably not.”

“Then why are you missing it?!” Rachel half yells.

It pushes her over the edge. “Because it’s too goddamn _hard,_ Rachel. It’s just too hard!”

Rachel deflates, and Quinn can imagine her soften. “It’s hard for all of us,” Rachel admits in a small voice. “Do you think I don’t see him everywhere I go? Do you think I don’t jump every time the phone rings, Quinn? In case it’s more bad news? Do you think that you’re the only one who finds this hard?”

“Rachel, I didn’t-”

“No, I know you didn’t mean to upset me. But you didn’t come to the funeral either, Quinn. You haven’t shown your face since that day and you’re going to regret it. If you got a call tomorrow,” Rachel’s voice begins to break, “that it was me... that it was me who’d passed away, do you think you’d be able to convince yourself that it was justified for you to spend the past two years avoiding all of us because it was too hard?”

“Rachel, if I got the call and it was you, I don’t think I’d be able to go on,” Quinn admits.

“You think that. But you know what? You’d survive. For a while it would feel like nothing. Then you’d learn to exist. And then you’d learn to survive. And maybe, just maybe, somewhere down the line, you’d find someone who helps you live again.”

Quinn hates how right Rachel is. “It’s not entirely about him,” Quinn admits.

“I know.”

“I’m in love with you, Rachel.” It’s the first time she’s told her. She’s sure Rachel knows, but they’ve never said it out loud before. It feels amazing to finally say it, even in this context.

“I know you are.” It’s not the answer she wanted, and Quinn feels it ache in her chest. But then, “And I’m in love with you, too. Have been for a while. But how could I even imagine a relationship with you when the only time I’ve seen you in the past two years is through photos on Facebook?”

“You love me?”

“Since prom. Not ours, but the one Glee club sang at. It’s why I followed you into the bathroom.”

“Four years, Rachel,” Quinn says in awe.

“Four years, Quinn.” The silence hangs between them for long moments as they both take in what just happened. “Come to the wedding, Quinn. There’s still time.”

**

Three hours later, Quinn finds herself at the airport, boarding a flight that will take her to the woman she loves.

 

* * *

 

**January 1st, 2017**

 

Rachel is barely out of the shower, standing with only her panties on when Quinn makes her way into the bathroom. She’s in an oversized t-shirt and boxer briefs, hair still a mess from welcoming in the new year in style. She’s not wearing any make-up, but Rachel still thinks she’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.

Her heart skips a beat when she watches Quinn get down on one knee.

“Baby, what are you-”

“Rachel, it’s a new year and new years are meant to be about new starts, about making goals and achieving them, about starting the first day of a new life for yourself. I’ve loved you for seven years, and every day I fall more and more in love with you. You’ve been the one person who I’ve always come back to no matter how hard I tried to, stupidly, keep myself away. Every day I spend with you is something I never take for granted. Every day I wake up to your sleepy, smiling face, I know it’s going to be the new best day of my life.”

Rachel listens and cries, wiping away the tears and laughing.

“Rachel Berry, I don’t know how, but bathrooms have kind of become our thing, and to anyone else this would probably be weird, but for us it feels right, doesn’t it?” Rachel nods in agreement, her smile lighting up the room. “Instead of making a new year’s resolution that I’m going to break like I have every year before, I want to make a promise to you instead that I know I’ll be able to keep, that will definitely make me a better person, and will make me the happiest woman on the planet.” Quinn reaches into the waistband of her boxers and pulls out the box, opening it so Rachel can see the ring. “Rachel Berry, will you marry me?”

Rachel cries, but manages to choke out a ‘yes’ before finding herself on her knees, too, kissing Quinn with everything she has. When they manage to pull away, Quinn takes the ring from the box and places it on Rachel’s finger.

“Looks good on you,” Quinn tells her, looking at Rachel’s hand.

“You know what would look better on me?” Rachel flirts, her tone darkening. Quinn shakes her head. “You,” Rachel says, leaning in to kiss her.

 

* * *

 

**December 2019**

She doesn’t even know how she finds it, but it just catches her eye while she’s washing her hands and she reaches into the trash and lifts it out.

She knows what two lines means. Ten years ago she cried her eyes out over those two lines, wishing one of them would disappear. Now, though, she can’t imagine wanting anything else more.

“Rach?” she calls to her wife. “Baby, can you come in here?”

She hears Rachel’s footsteps come down the hall and she tries to prepare words but none come. Rachel freezes in the doorway of the bathroom when she sees what Quinn has in her hand. “I- I can explain, I was going to tell you- I just-”

“Are you?” Quinn asks in wide eyed wonder, glancing at Rachel’s stomach every few seconds. “Rachel, are you- are we- pregnant?”

Rachel’s eyes fill with tears and her entire body smiles as she nods in confirmation. Quinn has never felt happiness like it.

“I took the test this afternoon. I was going to tell you after dinner, I wanted to surpis-” She’s cut off by Quinn’s lips on her own. Her kiss is so soft and tender that it makes Rachel cry even harder. Quinn’s hand rests on Rachel’s flat stomach, but Quinn can’t help but imagine how beautiful Rachel will become as she starts to show.

“Our little miracle,” she whispers to her wife.


End file.
